Everyone likes being right, but no one always is. There will be moments in your life where you just want to curl up and die of embarrassment. My coping mechanism is usually intense perseverance that I am, in fact, right, however little sense that makes. What can I say, I’ve got pride. After a moment of lonesome reflection, though, I usually admit to being wrong and pretend the awkward moment never happened. What could be more fun than re-living them for all the world to read?
- Siouxie Who?
I always assumed myself quite the superior being for not saying “see-oo-xie”. I can’t lie, I was quite smug about this, which makes it all the more awkward that I only VERY recently realised that it wasn’t pronounced like “sushi” either.
- Quite Lonely Indeed
Mondegreens or misheard lyrics are quite fun, until it is your own reality that collapses upon realising your mishearing. One that I always choose to forget is in the Manic Street Preachers’ “Motorcycle Emptiness”. I end up singing the wrong lyrics at the top of my lungs over and over again, never learning from my disturbing mistake. I mean, what does “under neon loneliness” even mean? I can’t be the only one screeching “I’M DYING OF LONELINESS / MOTORCYCLE EMPTINESS”. Right?
- Legal = Not Evil
Imagine: you’re a teenager. I know, disgusting. Now imagine that you are not athletic but are forced to play volleyball with a class that is for no apparent reason filled with mostly supple, semi-professional gymnasts. Might be an overstatement, but bear with. So there you are, tall and pudgy with ginger curls as if you didn’t stand out enough, thinking that you are in your element as the convo transitions to one about music. Not that Sting/the Police is your strongest subject, but y’know, you’re thinking “these skinny bitches are mine”. While a plethora of balls fly inches past your head, everyone facetiously starts singing “Englishman in New York,” as if there are no life-threatening projectiles being fired left, right, and centre at all. Not being a native English speaker means that at the age 13-ish, the second meaning of the word “alien” is not readily available to you and it is assumed that the word simply refers to the little green man from outer space. But it was assumed wrongly, as you will soon realise when the huddle of sweaty kids burst out laughing after you enthusiastically sing “I’m an alien, I’m an evil alien”… Anyway…
- Pet Peeve
I guess I’m a feminist, as in I don’t like misogyny and think we should all be equal regardless of gender(identity), sexuality, race, religious beliefs, etc. This means I’m not always a fan of the word “bitch” being thrown around everywhere I choose to put my ears to headphones. One thing I will say is that at least there is no subtlety in the term (although apparently there is a difference between ladies, hoes, and bitches that I don’t quite understand). You can make all the excuses you want, but even Anderson .Paak is quite unbelievable when he tries to convince us it’s fine if he calls you a bitch as long as no one else does. Anyway, I was always really offended by the song “Who Let The Dogs Out”, as for all my adult life I thought this was about ugly women. Describing a woman as a “dog” is just something that really rattles my cage (whoops). It makes “bitch” sound like a compliment. It now turns out I’ve been spreading FAKE NEWS and “Who Let The Dogs Out” was a song critical of pervy men? Can I say paradigm shift?
In the category of unsolved mysteries, I invite you to tell me how to pronounce “Bowie”. I’ve heard many varieties, but which one is correct? Does anyone know? Because I don’t.